Friday, March 05, 2004
Whore
So , I have the misfortune to be watching THE ALL NEW TOP OF THE TOPS !!!!! ( sorry but that just seems to be the best way to get across how the presenters and audience seem on this show )
What a throughly depressing spectacle this program is , and I don't think it's particularly the fault of the program itself . Surely there is better music that can chart than this pile of puerile , insipid , choreographed , nonsense currently flashing across my screen . Are the record companies now so bereft of ideas that they just peddle countless , teenage dancers with perfect teeth ? There was a time and this is not looking through rose tinted spectacles , where TOTP used to have at least 3 or 4 good bands on .
Oh good God , Peter Andre is number one . He's back because he made the biggest prick possible of himself by trying to get his nut of a dick , up that whore in the Australian outback . Don't be offended , that is all she is , a whore , don't do that " Oh come on , she's OK " NO ! SHE IS A WHORE case closed .
( if you disagree with this please let me know what it is she actually does apart from being a whore , I will argue with you because I am right and you are wrong , whore , walk away there's nothing to see here folks, she is just a whore , walk away , go home , just a whore , no she's not " Quite normal really " no , no , no , listen , she is a whore . If you think anything different , there is something seriously wrong with you . )
I swear to God if someone put a bullet between his and her eyes I would laugh , I'm serious . I would celebrate openly in public , I would defend the person who done it , I would praise them throughout the land , T-Shirts , badges , posters , everything .
If I had the choice of saving the life of a daddy longlegs and those 2 , longlegs would get that extra day , minute , however long those things get on this planet . Actually watching TOTP , I'm starting to think that one day of life is all you need , It's making me feel that bad .
Jesus , thankfully on BBC 4 at 10pm , there is a documentary about Gram Parsons .
I'm sorry , I know I should be out , it's Friday night etc , but I don't have a social life anymore and I was channel hopping.
What a throughly depressing spectacle this program is , and I don't think it's particularly the fault of the program itself . Surely there is better music that can chart than this pile of puerile , insipid , choreographed , nonsense currently flashing across my screen . Are the record companies now so bereft of ideas that they just peddle countless , teenage dancers with perfect teeth ? There was a time and this is not looking through rose tinted spectacles , where TOTP used to have at least 3 or 4 good bands on .
Oh good God , Peter Andre is number one . He's back because he made the biggest prick possible of himself by trying to get his nut of a dick , up that whore in the Australian outback . Don't be offended , that is all she is , a whore , don't do that " Oh come on , she's OK " NO ! SHE IS A WHORE case closed .
( if you disagree with this please let me know what it is she actually does apart from being a whore , I will argue with you because I am right and you are wrong , whore , walk away there's nothing to see here folks, she is just a whore , walk away , go home , just a whore , no she's not " Quite normal really " no , no , no , listen , she is a whore . If you think anything different , there is something seriously wrong with you . )
I swear to God if someone put a bullet between his and her eyes I would laugh , I'm serious . I would celebrate openly in public , I would defend the person who done it , I would praise them throughout the land , T-Shirts , badges , posters , everything .
If I had the choice of saving the life of a daddy longlegs and those 2 , longlegs would get that extra day , minute , however long those things get on this planet . Actually watching TOTP , I'm starting to think that one day of life is all you need , It's making me feel that bad .
Jesus , thankfully on BBC 4 at 10pm , there is a documentary about Gram Parsons .
I'm sorry , I know I should be out , it's Friday night etc , but I don't have a social life anymore and I was channel hopping.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
Do I want a mobile phone for my loved one ?
" I don't have a loved one "
" Well , maybe you should think about getting another mobile phone sir , we are offering the handset for free "
" But I've already told you , I have a mobile from work and they pay the entire bill , why would I want another phone that's going to cost me money ? "
" Well sir we are offering very reasonable rates "
" But the one I have from work is free , can you beat that ?"
" Well as I said our rates are some of the cheapest around "
" But not free ? , can you better that ?"
" Well what rate are you paying"
" Nothing"
" On all calls ?"
" 24/7 , international , calls to friends , premium lines ,anything,all free "
" Well our rates are very competitive"
" More competitive than free ? , do you offer a massage with all calls ?"
" Pardon?"
" Well I don't see how you can offer me something I already have for free , unless I get , y'know "extras"
" Well the handset does come with full accessories"
" I don't want full accessories , I want a massage"
" We don't do that sir"
" Why are you calling me at home at 19:30 in the evening? and how did you get my number ?"
" Well I can't tell you how we got your number sir "
" Why ? I want to know"
" That's classified"
" WHAT ! Classified ? My number is classified ? what are you saying ? Do you work for a secret government agency?"
" Sorry ?"
" Do you know Jack Bauer ?"
" Er , so you're not interested in a new mobile sir ?
" No I want a massage and I want to know why you are calling me"
" Ok sir thank you for your time"
" Hang on , do you sell drugs ? Will you be my loved one ?"
The line went dead.........
" Well , maybe you should think about getting another mobile phone sir , we are offering the handset for free "
" But I've already told you , I have a mobile from work and they pay the entire bill , why would I want another phone that's going to cost me money ? "
" Well sir we are offering very reasonable rates "
" But the one I have from work is free , can you beat that ?"
" Well as I said our rates are some of the cheapest around "
" But not free ? , can you better that ?"
" Well what rate are you paying"
" Nothing"
" On all calls ?"
" 24/7 , international , calls to friends , premium lines ,anything,all free "
" Well our rates are very competitive"
" More competitive than free ? , do you offer a massage with all calls ?"
" Pardon?"
" Well I don't see how you can offer me something I already have for free , unless I get , y'know "extras"
" Well the handset does come with full accessories"
" I don't want full accessories , I want a massage"
" We don't do that sir"
" Why are you calling me at home at 19:30 in the evening? and how did you get my number ?"
" Well I can't tell you how we got your number sir "
" Why ? I want to know"
" That's classified"
" WHAT ! Classified ? My number is classified ? what are you saying ? Do you work for a secret government agency?"
" Sorry ?"
" Do you know Jack Bauer ?"
" Er , so you're not interested in a new mobile sir ?
" No I want a massage and I want to know why you are calling me"
" Ok sir thank you for your time"
" Hang on , do you sell drugs ? Will you be my loved one ?"
The line went dead.........
Monday, February 09, 2004
Bonus day
and so today was bonus day and I've come away happy , I got a pay rise , a promotion ? and a decent bonus . But you wonder what planet the rest of them are on , do they read a newspaper , do they know what is going on outside the bubble of The City ? No , moaning fcuking minnies the lot of them. I got probably half of some people's wages I know , in one hit . I did my usual wind up , " Fantastic , I'm very happy " Looks of disbelief and knashing of teeth as they wonder what 4x4 I'm going to buy . I did say that I'm going to get the complete set of Stax 7".Only one person perked up with " OOH nice one " the rest just looked blank.....
There is hope , one boss waived her bonus and gave it to her team , which I thought was a decent thing to do.
There is hope , one boss waived her bonus and gave it to her team , which I thought was a decent thing to do.
Bonus day
and so today was bonus day and I've come away happy , I got a pay rise , a promotion ? and a decent bonus . But you wonder what planet the rest of them are on , do they read a newspaper , do they know what is going on outside the bubble of The City ? No , moaning fcuking minnies the lot of them. I got probably half of some people's wages I know , in one hit . I did my usual wind up , " Fantastic , I'm very happy " Looks of disbelief and knashing of teeth as they wonder what 4x4 I'm going to buy . I did say that I'm going to get the complete set of Stax 7".Only one person perked up with " OOH nice one " the rest just looked blank.....
There is hope , one boss waived her bonus and gave it to her team , which I thought was a decent thing to do.
There is hope , one boss waived her bonus and gave it to her team , which I thought was a decent thing to do.
Sunday, February 08, 2004
Don't stop 2
The angry commuter writes-
People who stop dead in their tracks at the top of escalators and those who stand chatting at the entrances to the platform should be thrown on the tracks .
And another thing are these people who use those bags on wheels with the long handles , my fave commuting sport at the moment is kicking these damn things . Just cos you travel abroad for your job doesn't mean that you get to take up more space than everyone else around you , you fcukers . And these bastards seem to think that the rest of us have to move out of their way , get lost , go and live at the airport , where you can yak into your mobile about the meaningless presentation you've been doing on your laptop on the train on the way to the airport .
On Friday I suggested to 2 people at work that all the stuff we do is dull as dishwater and that the only real reason we get out of bed is that we get paid money . They couldn't seem to handle the fact that what I was really saying was that we spend 8+ hours a day doing something that we don't really want to do . But the interesting thing was apart from laughing at the thought and the usual " Oh Sean " comments , that neither of them denied it but they couldn't bring themselves to say " Yes , it is shit and I really wanted to be a writer but because I have to pay school fees , credit card bills , mortgage , the loan on my 4 x 4 and my kids mobile phone bill , I have no choice but to come here and stare at meaningless spreadsheets on a computer screen "
Tommorow is a day I love at work , it's the day the bonus letters are given out . Last year we made record profits but are bonuses are supposed to be shit . The middle class knashing of teeth and huddles in the coffee area always make me laugh . I always without fail give the " Oh no I'm really happy with my bonus , much more than I expected , fantastic " God that gets them going . The good thing is no-one tells anyone one what they got , so even if I get 10 quid they won't know .
To me a bonus is that " a bonus" , if I get 500 quid or 50 thousand I'll be happy .It's not guarenteed , it's a bonus. Most people I know don't even get such a thing and never have .
Ahh work , what a desperate thing it is .
People who stop dead in their tracks at the top of escalators and those who stand chatting at the entrances to the platform should be thrown on the tracks .
And another thing are these people who use those bags on wheels with the long handles , my fave commuting sport at the moment is kicking these damn things . Just cos you travel abroad for your job doesn't mean that you get to take up more space than everyone else around you , you fcukers . And these bastards seem to think that the rest of us have to move out of their way , get lost , go and live at the airport , where you can yak into your mobile about the meaningless presentation you've been doing on your laptop on the train on the way to the airport .
On Friday I suggested to 2 people at work that all the stuff we do is dull as dishwater and that the only real reason we get out of bed is that we get paid money . They couldn't seem to handle the fact that what I was really saying was that we spend 8+ hours a day doing something that we don't really want to do . But the interesting thing was apart from laughing at the thought and the usual " Oh Sean " comments , that neither of them denied it but they couldn't bring themselves to say " Yes , it is shit and I really wanted to be a writer but because I have to pay school fees , credit card bills , mortgage , the loan on my 4 x 4 and my kids mobile phone bill , I have no choice but to come here and stare at meaningless spreadsheets on a computer screen "
Tommorow is a day I love at work , it's the day the bonus letters are given out . Last year we made record profits but are bonuses are supposed to be shit . The middle class knashing of teeth and huddles in the coffee area always make me laugh . I always without fail give the " Oh no I'm really happy with my bonus , much more than I expected , fantastic " God that gets them going . The good thing is no-one tells anyone one what they got , so even if I get 10 quid they won't know .
To me a bonus is that " a bonus" , if I get 500 quid or 50 thousand I'll be happy .It's not guarenteed , it's a bonus. Most people I know don't even get such a thing and never have .
Ahh work , what a desperate thing it is .
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Work travel
So tomorrow I have to go to Amsterdam for a meeting . I'm staying at some luxury hotel in the centre of town and then on Wednesday off to the head office for a meeting that will take 1 hour ? Yes 1 Hour . I tried to call into the meeting but no The Clogs , as we call them , think it's best that I go . So the bank spends £250 on the flight , £250 on the hotel and I just think it is a waste of money . I not really that bothered and in the world I work only millions count as a lot of money but .... Today they gave me a 3 grand lap top , I don't know why , it was my upgrade as I travel ? I can go to Amsterdam when I like , as much as I think is valid , well if that's the case then see you all in The Grasshopper every other Tuesday , I'll get the bank to pick up the tab for the ganja.
Norah Jones
That said , the new Norah Jones LP is great...................
Monday, February 02, 2004
Joss Stone etc
Now then , now then , now then .
Of late there has been a plethora of female singer songwriter types , foisted onto to us by an ever desperate music business . Y'know , Norah Jones , Joss Stone etc etc . Now I have no objection to these people and their music really , the Norah Jones LP is not offensive y'know but it's a zillion miles away from being anything other than background noise while I do things such as this .
But what is getting my goat with them is , this " Oh but Sean , she's got a great voice " , so that's it is it ? She's got a great voice , sounds like Janis Joplin does she ? well who gives a shit . Engleburt Humperdink has a great voice as do may others but what about the songs ? Joss Stone , 16 year old English lass from Devon , as they keep insisting on telling us , sounds like some 45 year old , 60 a day , whiskey drinking mate of Keefs , but so far this "amazing talent" has recorded an LP of old Soul covers + a White Stripes song . Big deal , yet people in the music business seem to think that this woman is going to save us all .
But why all this insane hype over a bunch of people who really are at best y'know , Ok .
Mediocre rules , let's have everything bland , done by pretty people , who will not object to doing adverts for our corporate friends . I don't know , it seems so safe to me . I know you're all going to read this and say " Oh but Sean , great voice "
Of late there has been a plethora of female singer songwriter types , foisted onto to us by an ever desperate music business . Y'know , Norah Jones , Joss Stone etc etc . Now I have no objection to these people and their music really , the Norah Jones LP is not offensive y'know but it's a zillion miles away from being anything other than background noise while I do things such as this .
But what is getting my goat with them is , this " Oh but Sean , she's got a great voice " , so that's it is it ? She's got a great voice , sounds like Janis Joplin does she ? well who gives a shit . Engleburt Humperdink has a great voice as do may others but what about the songs ? Joss Stone , 16 year old English lass from Devon , as they keep insisting on telling us , sounds like some 45 year old , 60 a day , whiskey drinking mate of Keefs , but so far this "amazing talent" has recorded an LP of old Soul covers + a White Stripes song . Big deal , yet people in the music business seem to think that this woman is going to save us all .
But why all this insane hype over a bunch of people who really are at best y'know , Ok .
Mediocre rules , let's have everything bland , done by pretty people , who will not object to doing adverts for our corporate friends . I don't know , it seems so safe to me . I know you're all going to read this and say " Oh but Sean , great voice "
Sunday, January 25, 2004
Mick Hucknell
Martine McCutchen ( ex Eastenders troll ) has gone rocketing up in my estimation .It's an old story but I heard it for the first time tonight .Apparantly after spending all day drinking champagne , she went to an Oasis concert where she bumped into Mick Hucknell , on seeing the ginger twat , she vomited all over his head . Soon after Mick had to lose his dreadlocks as he was unable to rid them of the smell of Martine's sick . Class.
